My First Intergal Coaching Session

Leslie Williams of Integral Coaching Canada recently agreed to help me through some blocks I was encountering in getting my book published. The book is the fruit of my own spiritual journey and my interest in Ken Wilber's integral theory; it recounts my amazing two-year adventure dialoging with a fundamentalist pastor and getting to know second person God.

Leslie agreed to meet me between corporate appointments at an Embassy Suites hotel in Herndon, Virginia. We sat in a magnificent atrium aside a waterfall and pond with two full-grown, live swans floating peacefully. Leslie listened intently as I let two years of frustration about publishing roadblocks come tumbling out. Then she told me she was hearing primarily issues from the left-hand quadrants: "I'm frustrated that" or "I'm afraid that" rather than "I can't" or "I don't have the resources to." She suggested the metaphor of a river plunging downstream and encountering boulders. "Let's find out which of these bolders is the main one," she suggested, "so I can get a sense of whether you need a therapist, a spiritual director, a motivational coach, or just somebody to help you get organized. Which of these issues has the most heat?"

Leslie actually arranged for a flip chart to be brought to us. As I continued to explore, it became pretty apparent where the heat is, and some of it regards the existential questions explored in the book itself. Was this project, "meant to be," and if so what does that mean?

An all-quadrant approach
Checking frequently to see if she was on track, Leslie suggested some approaches to each of my issues. And even though the blocks are left-hand (interior), her approaches included right-hand actions: pinning down some people whose offers to help me have been vague and even taking a class in aikido to prepare myself to stay balanced when people attack some of my controversial observations--like the fact that new agers and fundamentalists are actually very close in their experience of how reality works, but their levels of perception cause them to use opposite languaging. Leslie recounted that her own experience in interracial work is that the peacemaker is often shot at from both sides.

Leslie also had me draw three concentric circles representing the levels of control I have over each of the issues that is bothering me. She noted that most of my issues are in the outer circle--things I have no control over whatsoever, like whether the book will get the kind of key break that would bring it to the attention of the wide audience I seek to reach. She suggested that given the potential I sense for the book to do good, I need to just keep on moving forward no matter what comes, to "Let go and let God."

There was more, a few things I won't share. But the end result was that I felt completely heard and "vibed with." In fact, I smiled later realizing how her JOB as an integral coach is to communicate on my level while seeing things from a broader perspective. Would she have said some of the same things to someone whose book had an opposite premise?

As she left me with the swans, I felt clearer, lighter, inspired, and challenged. I laughed at myself to hear in my head the theme song to "Man of La Mancha": "And I know, if I'll only be true to this glorious quest..."

I went home and collected clip art to make a collage of how I was feeling. It was extremely satisfying to place each frustration on the periphery with an image in the center of me putting together the puzzle pieces of a multifaceted gem.

And then I remembered the last time that two swans had captured my attention. It was last summer when I visited the village of my ancestors in France, Belleme. Two swans have always lived in the moat that surrounds remains of the castle at the top of the hill. And when I saw them last summer 30 years from my prior visit, I felt familiarity with a timeless peace. Then as now, they were a gentle presence, and a beautiful reminder. So I looked at the photo I took of that moat, and noticed the free-flowing fountain at the center of it. In fact, the fountain is spouting right out of that "boulder" in the center.


Leslie's approach was exactly what I needed, and in the week that followed, several good things fell into place. I signed on with Intermedia publishers, I got a great review from a fellow integralist, and a journalist friend offered to help make contacts for my marketing plan. I am grateful to Leslie, and to the swans.

Web Design Classes at Arlington NOVA

I'll begin teaching Web Design classes at the the Arlington campus of Northern Virginia Community College in September. The following classes lead to a Web Design certificate at Arlington NOVA:

• Dreamweaver
• Web Graphics
• Content Management Systems
  

Arlington is a satellite location of the Alexandria campus of Northern Virginia Community College, (NOVA) located in the Ballston area of Arlington.

How to Handle Hate Mail

A nice example this morning from the ex-owner of Nathans at her new blog, CarolJoynt.com. She's a Web design client of mine, and just yesterday I finished her new blog and she issued her first post since her popular Georgetown pub closed last week due to the economy and back taxes. You may have heard all the buzz about the "Citizens Bailout" of people donating money to help Carol save her house.

Well within 24 hours she had a hate mail rant. She's the kind of person who posts several times a day, but her old blog--which I also did, was manually operated with no comments. So this was the first time she had to decide how to handle a comment.

By an odd coincidence, Tom Curran of the DC Meetup for my favorite philosopher Ken Wilber posted this quote for the day from David Hawkins' "Power vs. force,"

"Ignorance does not yield to attack, but it dissipates in the light, and nothing dissolves dishonesty faster than the simple act of revealing the truth. The only way to enhance one's power in the world is by increasing one's integrity, understanding and capacity for compassion."

I immediately sent the quote to Carol, but it turned out she needed no advice. She had already written a very classy reply, a textbook example of how to deal with hate mail. She offers no resistance, and no counter-attack, not the slightest sense of snideness. My hat is off to her for that because I personally need 24 hours of deep breathing before I can pull off a response that pure. The only thing that would possibly have improved the sense of integrity it conveys would be to find some guilt to admit to, like maybe, "Well, yes, in 2002 I did drink one glass of champagne that I didn't pay for."

PS: Blogger vs. TypePad
By the way, I originally planned to set Carol up with one of these Blogger blogs, but she preferred Typepad which she considers classier. Its main advantage that I see is that it permits you to post non-blog pages, and thus acts more like a full website. If anyone wants a consult on that, I'll be happy to oblige.

Why I love "The Goode Family"

At first glance, this new animated show The Goode Family is an over-the-top caricature of green cultural values, which unfortunately earned it some scathing reviews.  But look closer and see a subtle examination of goodness that transcends both traditional values and postmodern political correctness.

The show is the latest offering from Mike Judge, creator of  "Beavis and Buthead" and my beloved "King of the Hill."  Gerald and Helen Goode strive to be good by recycling, befriending minorities,  and feeding their dog a vegan diet. Moderate daughter Bliss rebels by exploring evangelism while their not-too-bright adopted son Ubuntu just wants to be liked and play Bingo. The family gets caught in contradictions at every turn and must decide where the good really lies.

A great review of the Goode Family at Enlighten Next captures my favorite moment in the first episode. Helen is creeped out that her daughter shows interest in a chastity event at an evangelical church. Her husband Gerald’s response

presents her with one of the hilarious contradictions faced on the path to perfect political correctness: “Maybe we shouldn’t be so judgmental,” he says. “Don’t we always try to celebrate people’s differences and learn from them?” To which Helen responds, “Sure, if they’re like Native Americans or backwards rainforest tribes. But not these people!”

This attempt to be nonjugmental brings much of the show's conflict.  In one episode, Ubuntu wants to play football. Despite the parent's dismay, Gerald goes along with Ubuntu for a pep rally and tries to get in the spirit. But a line is crossed when the other fathers want to slay a pig representing the opposing team. The moral fog lifts and Gerald leaps to stop the slaughter, even though it means fighting off a much bigger guy in full bloodlust.

A similar theme of moral clarity arises in another eposode in which the Goodes accidently offend a chic lesbian couple who hold the key to Helen's coveted place in the Art League. To make amends, they seek to prove they are not homophobic by seeking out another lesbian couple to befriend. To their initial dismay, the couple they find are barrel-chested, beer guzzling, truck drivers. But these lesbians have a sweet affection for each other and a genuineness that is lacking at the snarkey parties of the Art League who ridicule the low class couple. When forced to choose, Helen sides with the truck drivers--for a night of bingo.

Neil Pedley captures this balanced counterpointing in a UReview of the Goode Family:

Careful to showcase first and foremost the humanity of such reactionary figures as Hank Hill he not only enables those who are different to laugh at his antics, but those who are most similar to comfortably laugh along too. This lack of disdain on his part is his secret weapon and the reason he was able to transform the likes of Beavis and Butthead into an icon for the MTV generation despite them being a mocking, unflattering, distorted manifestation of the very people who were watching.

For its rich exploration of moral dilemmas, The Goode Family warms my heart and tickles my mind. 

"Three Faces of God" & Integral Practice

Re-integrating the Beloved Other

Do you find it easier to do devotional chants in Hindu than in English?

That's one of the questions posed yesterday at the high energy workshop on Ken Wilber's "Three Faces of God" held at the Celebration Center of Spiritual Living in Falls Church, VA
.
Speaking mostly to members of the New Thought community, Rev. Sophia Ducey told 22 of us that Science of Mind does a world class job of knowing God as the "I Am" presence but can be conflicted about the comforting presence of the "Beloved Other." Through meditation, chanting, and dialog, she invited us to look again at how our image of God had changed over our life: was it an enlargement or a pendulum swing AWAY from something we rejected which might then call us back to center? If we were still reacting against something, she recommended shadow work to fully include any babies thrown out with bathwater. She got down on her knees to demonstrate her own quest to re-integrate surrender and devotion to the Beloved Other, which then, she said, reinforced her sense of the God inside.

Integral Practice

Rev. Sophia also said that the work of Ken Wilber alerted her to the
need for practice to develop each aspect of our selves. Again, Science
of Mind is a leader in promoting the interior practices of prayer and
meditation, but puts less emphasis on body awareness, right action in
each moment, and right relationship with fellow members of our spiritual
community. She and her partners in Canada are developing Integral
Practice Groups--a container for small groups to support each other in
this full array of practices.

How this came together

When Rev. Sophia left the Religious Science church she was
ministering to in Vancouver to focus on this work, she asked a Christian
church to rent her space. It turned out that pastor, Bruce Sanguin of Canadian Memorial, had authored a book on integral congregations, so they are now working as a team along with a Buddhist and an Anglican. Now THAT'S integral! Of course, one of the pioneers in how to run an integral practice group is our own James Jones of Personal Awareness Institute and our DC Ken Wilber Meetup.

We asked Rev. Sophia for more. She is in transition and doesn't know when she'll be back in DC, so I may explore with Rev. Trish, senior minister of the Celebration Center, whether there are other ways we can keep the conversation going in the meantime. Also, Sophia tells me that her group in Vancouver has an upcoming visit scheduled with Integral Coaching Canada. So lots of good things happening in Canada these days. We may have to get used to being referred to as "south of the border."

Craig Hamilton on Integral Spirituality

This piece by Craig Hamilton, editor of "What is Enlightenment" magazine, takes my breath away: I see it as a bridge point between pre-modern and post-modern spirituality. Integral Enlightenment: Why Authentic Spirituality is Much More Than a Line of Development*.  (Thanks for the reference, Karl.)

There are many ways to speak about what spiritual awakening is, but one very good way that I think will shed some light here is to see it as the discovery of the Dharma... Simply put, one sees the Truth, which reveals the Law which guides the Path. And, when things are working properly, this is a discovery that engages every aspect of one’s humanity. One sees, suddenly with unimaginable subtlety, the delicate web of interrelatedness that binds us together. One sees the significance of every move we make, and how it impacts the whole through a complex chain of causation. One awakens to the Law of karma, the law of right action which reveals an inherent ordering principle in the Kosmos, and a Kosmic command to align with that order. In the theistic traditions, this Law was referred to as the Will of God, as in, “Not my will, but Thy Will be done.” Finally, one discovers the Path, the actions one must take to stay aligned with the Law, revealing themselves anew through clear seeing in every moment. And, in the face of this knowledge, one experiences the awakening of what Andrew Cohen calls the “Spiritual Conscience,” or what the Sufis called, simply, “the Heart.” That faculty within the awakening psyche which compels us to act in accord with the Law, and which feels a kind of Kosmic pain when we violate it.

What is the impact on an individual who realizes this kind of depth? It’s earth-shattering. The result is a complete revolution at the very core of one’s being, which then radiates outward, bringing about an integral transformation of every aspect of one’s humanity.

On a values level, it brings about a radical reorientation in one’s priorities, worldview and values. We begin to care about the evolution of the whole, and the evolution of consciousness itself more than we care about anything personal. We become a Kosmoscentric or even Godcentric individual...

The funny thing is, I read this just an hour after a conversation with a friend who said, "We need to get away from God-centered spirituality."

I recommend "Church Junkie"

Great piece in the magazine section of today's Washington Post by a secularist woman who went back to church when she was "in dire need of people who would be nice to me for less than $125 an hour." After trying several churches she ended up in the welcoming embrace of "a bald, black, Episcopal minister with overstated earrings and a rock-steady voice."

Sounds something like the adventure that led to my book. The latest on that is that my agent and cover coach are both urging me to change my title: under consideration are "Fundamental Differences" and "My Fundamental Enlightenment." Any votes? HarperOne and Inter Varsity Press are both considering it.